OK, here we go...

My head has been shrinking as I get older. This is definitely a good thing at one level, since no one likes a big head. And expressing BIGHEADEDNESS is something that I would like to believe I have some control over (true or not), so I have tried been making a conscious effort over the last decade to TRY to not do this anymore. But I have also become less interested in expressing my opinions because I have been getting OVER myself. Finally.

I'm just sick of ME ME ME. It's not that I don't think Joel's a moderately interesting guy, and we all strive to find what makes us happy, but REALLY, give me a break, it's like a bad commercial (and how I HATE commercials), and I just don't care enough anymore. I have better things to do, like, um, finding what makes me happy, to worry about whether or not anybody else thinks I'm cool.

Funny, starting a blog to ramble is a somewhat textbook definition of an outsized ego. The world NEEDS to hear what I have to say (right?). Well, no, the world will probably be fine without hearing from me, thank you very much.

But isn't being an artist about thinking that you have a way of expressing SOMETHING that might be different enough that other people MIGHT want to hear about it? Last night Marina said told me she loved that I saw things differently, and was able to express them in succinct ways. At least the woman in my life thinks so (and how great is that!).

(side note: perhaps an artist IS someone that can't help but to see things in a different way, and is always searching for ways to express them to others, or at least to his/herself. It's not whether we think it or not - we can't help it, it's how we are (mis)wired. If you are entertained by this, please give the monkey a coin...)

Yes, I guess I think so, too. But I am conflicted, as I have gotten so sick of the self-promotion mindset required to hustle my art/music/business/etc. , and living in Los Angeles, the epicenter of media and entertainment, encourages this behavior (or, at least, offers a good excuse for it). These days I have a difficult time reminding my neighbors when my Who band has a local gig - they are HUGE Who fans, and have asked many times. I just feel like I don't want to bother them with my little band thingy OVER and OVER...

So I view my head shrinkage as a good thing, even though, when I look in a mirror, it looks like my head is bigger (well, my forehead, anyway). I guess most of us must think we're hot shit in our own ways, except for the ones with inferiority complexes and self-loathing issues (OK, that's in all of us a bit, but it's not a driving force in me). My shit may not be hot all the time, but sometimes... well, enough of THAT metaphor as I go pick up the giant Irish Wolfhound turds in my yard.

As for WHO DO I THINK I AM?, I just signed up for High School Reunion site (although I have no idea why, it's not like I'm in touch with ANYONE from my high school 30 years ago). They asked for a brief description/bio, and I came up with the one I keep on the ABOUT ME column of this blog:

"Living happily in Los Angeles, contemplating retiring to Canada; loving animals more than (most) people; making things, music, and paintings; making a living on computers (mostly)"

This is much happier and less cynical than the one I created when all those "6 word bios" were thrown about recently:

"Plays, paints, writes - no one cares"

Still like the brevity of that one, and it's still more or less accurate, but I'll go with things I love instead of what anyone else thinks.

Ooh, I felt a crack, is it shrinking or growing..?